The Gentleman’s Dilemma

When it comes to dating a man only has two options…or does he?

Nice Guy: Everyone is familiar with the term “nice guy”. It is a concept that is fed to us in a myriad of ways, from countless T.V shows to men complaining that they can’t attract the type of women they want. A “nice guy” will be defined as a man who likes to portray himself as being gentle, sensitive, compassionate, humble, and romantic. This man typically has one goal in mind which is to sleep with an attractive woman the only way he knows how. This process is often a long and grueling one which consists of him being her sounding board in hopes that she will one day see him as more than just a friend.

The problem with the “nice guy” is that he is rarely any of the things that he portrays, at least not subconsciously. When someone only acts sensitive because they want to get in into a woman’s pants they are no longer considered sensitive. They lose the right to claim this important virtue. Ultimately, this type of man confuses the concept of being “nice” with being “good”. Being a good man is a about doing good for the sake of itself. Not with the expectation of a reward at the end of said good deed. That is the difference between a good man and a “nice guy”.

There are certain pitfalls most men of this caliber fall into. They are prone to a large amount of unresolved anger and insecurity issues. This stems from the constant rejection and burden that is often placed on their shoulders. Another pitfall this type of man faces is one that may at first seem like a blessing. When the “nice guy” final gets the girl of his dreams he waits on her hand and foot. By becoming the doormat, they lose their identity in the process which results in a large amount of unresolved resentment. The root cause of these issues is the fact that “nice guys” often fail to take responsibility for their actions.

The Jerk: At the other end of the spectrum lays the “jerk” or “asshole”. This is the typical bad boy in movies that make the women swoon at his every word. The jerk can be defined as a man who manipulates women by appearing as the perfect guy at the beginning until he gets the cookie. Traditionally he goes in with several key check points that he knows he needs to bypass. This goes from the initial preliminary stage where the woman is on her highest guard all the way down to the first time the two intertwine. He is charming, smart, kind, funny, and above all attentive in the beginning. At the same time, he is typically a man that does not conform to the norm. Additionally, the “jerk” may use pick up artists techniques one of which being the “neg” which is a light insult used to demonstrate superiority or disapproval.

The problem with the “jerk” is that he knows on a fundamental level that what he is doing is wrong. But he continues to do it because it works. Traditionally the “jerk” is a man who has tried the nice guy route for several years and realizes that constantly being pushed into the dreaded “friend zone” is not for him. He then goes on a destructive path where he lies, cheats, and steals his way to a woman’s undergarments. Like the “nice guy” there are several pitfalls that the “jerk” often falls prey to. When a man chooses the path of the “jerk” he is making the conscious decision to chip away at his soul. This often leads to feelings of melancholy due to a lack of meaningful relationships.

By choosing this methodology a man is essentially deciding to not give a fuck about how he treats people. This transcends women and floods into the workforce as well, which only acts to further alienate him. The second pitfall that one encounters is hubris. Typically, a man who finds financial success or romantic success by leaving a trail of bodies behind them gains an enormous ego. This ego serves to protect them on their self-destructive path by allowing them to identify their entire self-worth with the notches on their belt. This becomes a problem because of how shaky this foundation is. The tiniest pin could poke a hole into this inflated ego causing the person to spiral downwards into a truly catatonic state.

Same Coin: The clear majority of men in today’s society fall within one of these categories. Notice how both have the exact same goal, which is to bed the woman of their current affection. The only differences are the way they go about achieving this goal and the challenges they must overcome to do so. After reading the above it becomes clear that both sound taxing mentally and is why many men have turned to MGTOW. But I offer absolution from this circle of death that is the current dating climate. I would now like to turn your attention to the medium which is often overlooked by both men and women because it is on the same level as a “unicorn” woman.

The Gentleman: This medium is commonly known as the Gentleman. This is a man who is of a calm demeanor, stoic, yet confident and humble at the same time. He is a man that takes control of his life and accepts people for who they are. He is successful with women, the workforce, and is happy to be alive. Now I’m sure at this point you are either calling bullshit or wondering where do you find such a man if not how do you become one.

The truth of the matter is that if you are a woman and want to find this type of man you won’t be able to find him. You must be the type of woman that he seeks out. However, it is possible to identify the gentleman if you keep an eye out for him. The gentleman doesn’t feel the need to brag about his accomplishments unlike the “jerk” while at the same time he will make his expectations known very early unlike the “nice guy”. If you are a man and want to become this type of man you are in luck, but there is a catch. (Of course) The catch is that you can’t become a true “gentleman” overnight. It takes conscious effort and perseverance to become a man that is truly a man and not a little boy. Because that is what the “nice guy” and the “jerk” are. They are simply boys wandering around in the kiddie pool.

To become a gentleman a man must first experience what life is like as the “nice guy”. He needs to be that sympathetic ear to friends, family, and women. To become a gentleman a man must second experience the life of a “jerk”. He needs to feel the thrill of having things go his way on a consistent basis. Then he must take the best traits of both those type of men and become something much more. The number one goal that a real man must have is the desire to achieve a “better state of living”. That means he wants better for himself, family, friends, co-workers, and above all the woman he wants to be intimate with. It isn’t just about sex, it is about positive expectations for anyone that you surround yourself with. Once a man transcends the childish goal of purely physical stimulation he enters a whole new realm of the mental.

“ A man cannot find inner meaning in the outside world”
– Negus Lamont

Take part in the journey!