5 Things Celibacy Teaches You

Sex is a wonderful thing…but what can abstinence teach you?

Now I’m going to start this post off with a disclaimer because this topic can be triggering for some people. This post is not an outlet for me to brag about my many sexual exploits nor is it designed to denigrate the struggles of someone who isn’t sexually experienced, can’t get a date, or has low self-esteem. This post is for those who have entered the volcanic grove that is dating in 2017, and are wondering if there is a better way. In this topic we will journey into the land of dating, and will look at another option that is often left off the table. This option is known as celibacy or in clearer terms abstaining from dating and sex.

I can honestly admit that at one point in time I was a borderline sex addict. I say borderline because I could control my appetites…when I felt like it. It just so happened that I rarely felt like it. Being an above average male with mentors who were players made it fairly easy for me to learn how to attract, entertain, and bed a woman. But above all, I understood women and used that to my advantage. As a former friend of mine once said. “Once you control the mind, you control the legs.” But there are a few things that happen when you sleep with multiple partners and have multiple short-term relationships. Truth be told each time I had a meaningless encounter it was like I gave a piece of my soul to that person. One day after another meaningless encounter it hit me. That a lot of these women see me as a piece of meat, just to be used for their satisfaction and done with. It stopped being fun and I saw things for the hollow experience that it really was. They were using me the same way I was using them. This was a vicious cycle that I knew had to be broken. In any case I decided to take a vow of celibacy for a year. It was easily the greatest and most productive year of my life, because of that I have decided to extend that year to four years. Here are five things a temporary vow of celibacy can teach you.

  1. You Learn to Love – There is no easy way to say this. When you stop dating and focusing on loving someone else you learn the true definition of love. This is a concept that is difficult for most to wrap their heads around. There are two types of unconditional love. The love for a parent to a child and the love for yourself. The next type of love that most are looking for is a romantic kind of love. This love is not inherently unconditional, it is the type of love designed to fill a void. Think about it logically for a second. In order for you to get to the point of loving someone they had to be the type of person you could fall in love with. They had to share your goals, dreams, make you laugh, say the right things, or look the right way. These are just some of the conditions that had to be met before you felt that deep connection. When you choose the path of celibacy you realize that the love in its purest form comes from within. As cliché as it sounds one must love themselves unconditionally before they step back into the dating arena. That is if you want to reach your highest good.

 

  1. You Have More Time – This one is self-explanatory. When you stop dating, you have more time to spend on other more productive things. A large portion of the “dating game” is wasted time. The wasted time getting dressed for dinner, the wasted time hoping they are the one, the failed attempts at conversation. There is a lot of time wasting in between the glorious moments. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of glorious moments when you strike is rich, but it often takes countless hours to get to that point. When you stop dating you can focus on things such as your career, learning a new language, and taking that vacation you always wanted. But above all, you get to spend time on your passion. Words cannot convey how great it feels to know what your passion is and to work on it. If you don’t know what your passion is that is fine too. Now you have the time to find out.

 

  1. It’s Not That Hard – When I first decided to become celibate I had to ask myself a very important question. How the hell am I going to pull this one off? The first few months were ridiculously challenging. But as things progress you become stronger mentally and emotionally. This leads to the revelation that anything is possible. If you can go months, even years without sex by choice then you can accomplish anything you put your mind too. This is part of the reason why so many spiritual gurus promote abstinence and celibacy. It provides you with mental strength.

 

  1. Mental Clarity – All that mental strength you gained turns into something much more profound. It becomes mental clarity. You start seeing the things that really matter in life. It is almost as if a switch flips in your brain. This is the type of mental clarity that comes with meditation and self-reflection. You start to learn more about your family and friends, while ultimately learning more about yourself. This clarity is further augmented by the connection with nature. It becomes easier for you to connect with nature once you’ve opened yourself up to that possibility. I’m not going to go into detail about the profound love nature can give you, that is something you must feel for yourself.

 

  1. Your One Will Wait – Right now your “one” is probably dating someone that is causing them inner turmoil. The time you spend developing yourself is something that your future life partner will appreciate. The amazing thing about life is that people pop into your life when you ready for them. They are either a blessing or a lesson. This means you don’t need to rush into something meaningless for the wrong reasons.

 

For some people a life of meaningless encounters can be one of the most exhilarating lifestyles imaginable. But for most it only ends up being a hollow experience that drastically shifts your mindset. To this day I still have skewed expectations from a partner. In the meantime, I’m going to continue my path of celibacy and self-love. For it is one that provides countless benefits and very few cons. A question we should all ask ourselves in this dating world is whether we are dating to fill a void or dating to augment our lives. But the big question is a very simple one. Who do you want to be a year from now?

 

“There are many types of kisses. A kiss to the lips, a kiss to the heart, and a kiss to the soul. The third brings about a love that transcends time.” – Negus Lamont

5 Reasons You Feel Lonely

Crippling loneliness? Find out how to fix it.

We have all experienced it before. That deep feeling of isolation in the pit of our stomach. The friends that we once thought were there for us are nowhere to be found. The partner or spouse that was supposed to have our back has vanished into a puff of smoke. The family members that are supposed to be thicker than water have evaporated into nothingness. It is a feeling of epic seclusion. Loneliness is one of the major causes of depression. It is a normal feeling that affects billions of people worldwide at any given moment. Below I will discuss five reasons you feel lonely and what you can do about it.

  1. Fake Friends – If you have ever been in a room surrounded by your cherished friends and still felt empty, you are most likely suffering from fake friend syndrome. Subconsciously these people do not have your best interests at heart. An example of this is a friend who only appears in your orbit when he/she has a favor to ask. Unfortunately, when it is time to return the act they pull a Houdini. The solution to this one is a swift form of justice. One must pull out the scissors and cut them like a piece of cloth. Fake friends will continue to suck away at your soul causing further inner turmoil and isolation.

 

  1. No Partner – If you’re single and you feel isolated then it is a natural spinoff of your upbringing. From a young age, we are conditioned to believe that two hearts must be united to feel whole. This is illustrated in movies, TV shows, to even the symbol of the heart. Contrary to popular belief the heart symbol usually depicted in media is two hearts merged together. Not having a partner can often make one feel like a failure. Furthermore, sexual desires arise causing further isolation as these desires are left unfulfilled. The solution to eliminating this kind of loneliness is to love yourself twice fold. I reiterate, you need to love yourself enough for two. When you love yourself mind, body, and soul you can surpass the need for a partner. When this need becomes a want you effectively level up your mentality. Once this is accomplished the feeling of loneliness will turn into one of eternal bliss. Why should your internal happiness rely on an external person?

 

  1. Filling A Void – Sometimes there is a nagging feeling that your missing something in life. It is difficult to pin point it but you know there is a hole inside of you. We as humans often try to fulfill this void with short-term pleasures. If you find yourself relying heavily on sex, drugs, alcohol, or social media likes for gratification then you most likely suffer from this type of loneliness. This void is often hard to fix due to the complex nature of it. Fortunately, there is a way to end the suffering. One must be willing to go out of their comfort zone and find their passion. Something that fulfills them in a way that the aforementioned never will. A great start to finding your passion is to look at some of your hobbies. The things that you enjoy doing in your free time are most likely your best bet. Imagine working on your hobby full time. I have mentioned this before and I will do so once again. The greatest entrepreneurs in the world have taken their passion and found a way to get paid for it. Filling that aching void will eliminate any sense of isolation.

 

  1. Vulnerability – Sometimes in life we feel weak to the will of those around us. This causes us to back ourselves into a corner causing us to feel isolated. This isolation turns into loneliness as there no one to turn too. Keep in mind this stems from being vulnerable. If you are naturally a docile person, then it is time to make a stand for yourself. Work on developing your voice. It will take time, energy, and effort but it is worthwhile. Once one has developed their own voice they can stand up for themselves in times of need. This results in a feeling of accomplishment and deep satisfaction.

 

  1. Solitude – Most of us don’t know who we really are. Because of this there will be times when we withdraw from society and enter hermit mode. Shacked up into the confines of our home we will begin to analyze our life. This often turns into dissatisfaction with where we are in life and where our path will lead us. It is not uncommon for a deep sense of loneliness to enter the mix when we realize that most of what we have is not what we want. The good news is that this is the first step towards inner growth. Once you accept that where you are in life is not where you want to be you pursue further knowledge. The key to working out this deep question is to continue to look inside and figure out who you want to be. There are a few helpful questions one should ask themselves. Is what I’m doing helping me be the person I want to be? What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind? Would my younger self be proud of the person I am now? Once one has dived into their psyche they can find the answers to the biggest question of all. What is my purpose in life?

 

Ultimately – Loneliness doesn’t have to be the be all end all of happiness. It can often be the gateway to paradise. Once one tackles the hard questions in their lives they can make the necessary changes. It is up to you to take the first step in creating your paradise. Accepting that you are lonely and want more is a great place to start. These are just a few of the reasons why you may feel lonely, if you know of any others please drop a comment below. I would love to hear feedback on this post.

 

“Paradise is just a step in the right direction.” – Negus Lamont

The Cardinal Dating Rules

Dating in 2017 can be a real headache! Allow these five rules to be your Advil.

Dating today is like pulling teeth. With the emergence of Tinder, POF, and other online dating sites/apps you have been reduced to a disposable commodity. But you are more than that. You are a human being who has hopes and dreams. One of them is to find a partner that stimulates you mentally and physically. To find the right person, it is crucial that you hold yourself accountable. This way you won’t fall to the many pitfalls that is the minefield of 2017 dating. These rules are called the Cardinal Dating Rules which apply to both men and women seeking dating success in 2017.

  1. Love yourself.

This rule is by far the most important one. Dating isn’t supposed to be about filling a void in your heart. It is supposed to be about finding someone that makes your stomach tingle. Whether that is romantically, sexually, or mentally. When you date to fill a void, you end up short changing yourself because you are relying on someone else to do what you can do for yourself. Additionally, you will come across as needy and potentially push that special person away.

  1. You are NOT disposable.

Please repeat after me, you are not disposable! With how easy it is to swipe right it feels as if we are living in a world of abundance when it comes to suitors. Although the clear majority of men are sending the exact same message to a dozen other women that doesn’t mean that you aren’t special. Entertain men who point out specific details of your profile and ask thought provoking questions. Just because the guy wants to sleep with you doesn’t mean that is all he wants. If you are male then the reality is that the woman you have matched with probably isn’t going to respond. Chances are your message got lost in the sea of messages or she doesn’t even check her dating app anymore due to being overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t a suitable mate it just means you must cast your line out more often. Hence the vicious cycle. Ultimately, one must be patient in this dating game and weed through the muck to find their personal gemstone.

  1. Have Standards

This goes hand in hand with number one. One must have standards for a partner. At the same time, one needs to be realistic in their expectations. When looking for a significant other you need to assess your own dating value. For example, if you live in a shack have no job and have no prospects whatsoever then you probably shouldn’t expect your partner to have these things and more. At the same time don’t limit yourself by setting your standards too low. If you have a good head on your shoulders, are career driven, and well educated then don’t accept a partner who can’t step in your arena.

  1. Multi-Dating

With the convenience gained from dating apps comes a major repercussion. Chances are the person you are dating is dating other people. Because of this it is more difficult than ever to hold someone’s attention. At the same time, this can work in your favor. Dating multiple people allows you to experience different personalities and choose someone that best meets your standards. Every great hunter has several arrows for their bow.

  1. Social media is NOT your best friend

Just because you can post anything you want on social media doesn’t mean you should. Especially when it comes to the dating game. The whole world doesn’t need to know when you and the person your dating enter an argument. Additionally, this childish tactic serves the purpose of embarrassing both you and your partner. It is a clear cry for attention. Be direct and address any issues you have with your partner.

Conclusion

Dating doesn’t have to be difficult but it is challenging when done right. That is the beauty of it. It takes time and energy to find someone that sparks that special spot in your heart. But it is worth it in the end. Be sure to mind these five rules and feel free to create some of your own. It is important that you know your worth and trust your gut instinct. Life is a journey that is meant to be lived with both eyes open, enjoy the twists and turns.

“One step in the right direction is worth a thousand in the wrong.” – Negus Lamont

 

 

The Gentleman’s Dilemma

When it comes to dating a man only has two options…or does he?

Nice Guy: Everyone is familiar with the term “nice guy”. It is a concept that is fed to us in a myriad of ways, from countless T.V shows to men complaining that they can’t attract the type of women they want. A “nice guy” will be defined as a man who likes to portray himself as being gentle, sensitive, compassionate, humble, and romantic. This man typically has one goal in mind which is to sleep with an attractive woman the only way he knows how. This process is often a long and grueling one which consists of him being her sounding board in hopes that she will one day see him as more than just a friend.

The problem with the “nice guy” is that he is rarely any of the things that he portrays, at least not subconsciously. When someone only acts sensitive because they want to get in into a woman’s pants they are no longer considered sensitive. They lose the right to claim this important virtue. Ultimately, this type of man confuses the concept of being “nice” with being “good”. Being a good man is a about doing good for the sake of itself. Not with the expectation of a reward at the end of said good deed. That is the difference between a good man and a “nice guy”.

There are certain pitfalls most men of this caliber fall into. They are prone to a large amount of unresolved anger and insecurity issues. This stems from the constant rejection and burden that is often placed on their shoulders. Another pitfall this type of man faces is one that may at first seem like a blessing. When the “nice guy” final gets the girl of his dreams he waits on her hand and foot. By becoming the doormat, they lose their identity in the process which results in a large amount of unresolved resentment. The root cause of these issues is the fact that “nice guys” often fail to take responsibility for their actions.

The Jerk: At the other end of the spectrum lays the “jerk” or “asshole”. This is the typical bad boy in movies that make the women swoon at his every word. The jerk can be defined as a man who manipulates women by appearing as the perfect guy at the beginning until he gets the cookie. Traditionally he goes in with several key check points that he knows he needs to bypass. This goes from the initial preliminary stage where the woman is on her highest guard all the way down to the first time the two intertwine. He is charming, smart, kind, funny, and above all attentive in the beginning. At the same time, he is typically a man that does not conform to the norm. Additionally, the “jerk” may use pick up artists techniques one of which being the “neg” which is a light insult used to demonstrate superiority or disapproval.

The problem with the “jerk” is that he knows on a fundamental level that what he is doing is wrong. But he continues to do it because it works. Traditionally the “jerk” is a man who has tried the nice guy route for several years and realizes that constantly being pushed into the dreaded “friend zone” is not for him. He then goes on a destructive path where he lies, cheats, and steals his way to a woman’s undergarments. Like the “nice guy” there are several pitfalls that the “jerk” often falls prey to. When a man chooses the path of the “jerk” he is making the conscious decision to chip away at his soul. This often leads to feelings of melancholy due to a lack of meaningful relationships.

By choosing this methodology a man is essentially deciding to not give a fuck about how he treats people. This transcends women and floods into the workforce as well, which only acts to further alienate him. The second pitfall that one encounters is hubris. Typically, a man who finds financial success or romantic success by leaving a trail of bodies behind them gains an enormous ego. This ego serves to protect them on their self-destructive path by allowing them to identify their entire self-worth with the notches on their belt. This becomes a problem because of how shaky this foundation is. The tiniest pin could poke a hole into this inflated ego causing the person to spiral downwards into a truly catatonic state.

Same Coin: The clear majority of men in today’s society fall within one of these categories. Notice how both have the exact same goal, which is to bed the woman of their current affection. The only differences are the way they go about achieving this goal and the challenges they must overcome to do so. After reading the above it becomes clear that both sound taxing mentally and is why many men have turned to MGTOW. But I offer absolution from this circle of death that is the current dating climate. I would now like to turn your attention to the medium which is often overlooked by both men and women because it is on the same level as a “unicorn” woman.

The Gentleman: This medium is commonly known as the Gentleman. This is a man who is of a calm demeanor, stoic, yet confident and humble at the same time. He is a man that takes control of his life and accepts people for who they are. He is successful with women, the workforce, and is happy to be alive. Now I’m sure at this point you are either calling bullshit or wondering where do you find such a man if not how do you become one.

The truth of the matter is that if you are a woman and want to find this type of man you won’t be able to find him. You must be the type of woman that he seeks out. However, it is possible to identify the gentleman if you keep an eye out for him. The gentleman doesn’t feel the need to brag about his accomplishments unlike the “jerk” while at the same time he will make his expectations known very early unlike the “nice guy”. If you are a man and want to become this type of man you are in luck, but there is a catch. (Of course) The catch is that you can’t become a true “gentleman” overnight. It takes conscious effort and perseverance to become a man that is truly a man and not a little boy. Because that is what the “nice guy” and the “jerk” are. They are simply boys wandering around in the kiddie pool.

To become a gentleman a man must first experience what life is like as the “nice guy”. He needs to be that sympathetic ear to friends, family, and women. To become a gentleman a man must second experience the life of a “jerk”. He needs to feel the thrill of having things go his way on a consistent basis. Then he must take the best traits of both those type of men and become something much more. The number one goal that a real man must have is the desire to achieve a “better state of living”. That means he wants better for himself, family, friends, co-workers, and above all the woman he wants to be intimate with. It isn’t just about sex, it is about positive expectations for anyone that you surround yourself with. Once a man transcends the childish goal of purely physical stimulation he enters a whole new realm of the mental.

“ A man cannot find inner meaning in the outside world”
– Negus Lamont