The Secrets of My Life

We all have dark secrets…sink your teeth into my own.

This is by far the most challenging post I’ve ever had to write. I know it will probably come across as callous, controversial, or even plain crazy. But this is something that must be done. How can I expect to help anyone create their own paradise when I don’t do the things necessary to maintain my own? If I don’t face my demons how can I grow? One thing that I believe to be necessary at this point in my life is full disclosure. In this post we will take a gander at five of my deepest darkest secrets. Truth be told I have plenty of secrets, as I’m the type of person who rarely reveals what I’m really thinking.

1.       My Condition – My condition has been gaining a lot of traction in the media lately, however there is still a stigma associated. One of the biggest reasons is due to how little is known about what causes it, and the unpredictable nature of people diagnosed. Last year I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar. Now this will come as a shock to anyone that has spent any amount of time with me. I come across as cool, calm, collected, and very rational. In fact, I’m usually the last person you would expect to react to anything emotionally, whether it is positive or negative. Some such as my mother will say this is due to the medication but what most don’t know about the meds is that they only suffocate some of the symptoms. It’s literally a shotgun of chemicals used to stem the bleeding. This brings me to my next point.

 

2.       My Mask – In society we all put on some type of mask that will allow us to integrate into the group and associate with each other. We have different versions of ourselves that we show to different people. This is an important part of life which allows society to function. The way we act around our friends is naturally going to be different than the way we act around our family. The difference between my mask and the mask of other’s is that I have a mask of sanity. I consciously make sure to have a rational explanation for anything and everything that I do and say. The funny thing that I have found is that virtually anything deemed crazy can be explained with genius logic. What do I mean by genius logic? Genius logic is something that the average person will deem as crazy. But someone with a creative mind can use said action to benefit them greatly, thus giving them a large advantage. An example of this is having a conversation with yourself. The average person views this as something irrational. However, it has been proven time and time again to improve mood, thought processing, and chances of success. Having deep and meaningful conversations with yourself allows you to find out who you are, what you believe, and where you want to be. In simple terms, Insanity and genius are two sides of the same coin. Being diagnosed as “crazy” has allowed me to explore the vast wealth of creativity and has catapulted my life forward.

 

3.       Heartless – This is something that I have struggled with during my adolescence. When I was a child I had the biggest heart, and felt profound love. Over time I have become very cold, calculating, and sometimes manipulative. I see what I want and I am willing to do anything necessary to achieve it. Now it’s not to say that I can’t create meaningful relationships or feel love. It is that these experiences are so few and far between that at one point I was convinced I was a psychopath. The word love has little meaning to me and doesn’t carry much weight, except when I refer to myself, my sister or mother. I believe it is overused while few demonstrate it. The odd thing about me is that I am well capable of deep expressions of love and will do almost anything for someone that I care about, but once again it is rare for me to find someone that I care about. It is easier for me to say that I care about people in opposed to saying that I love them. I am realistic in the belief that I will most likely commit to someone that I care about and not one that I love. Does this make me a bad person? I’m not sure.

 

4.       Legacy –  To me my legacy is more important than my life. I want to achieve more than I want to breathe. Let’s make one thing clear. When I say legacy, I don’t mean something small/minuscule as being liked by my peers, or doing well in school. I am talking about achieving something that someone has never done before. I am talking about making a mark on the world that will never be erased. Before all is said and done I want to be a legend, an icon, and a symbol that anything can be achieved. Currently, I sleep six hours a day, eat twice a day (intermittent fasting), cut off all music, movies, and T.V shows, meditate for an hour each day, took a four-year vow of celibacy, and only listen to inspirational videos from famous entrepreneurs. The determination and drive is there as well as the work ethic. I just know I need to be patient.

 

5.       Death – As crazy as this sounds, I look forward to death. No, I’m not suicidal and no I am not in a rush to die. I simply look forward to finding out if my spiritual beliefs are true. Note I say spiritual and not religious. I am fascinated with the concept of death. Just the entire mystery behind it. It is one of the few things that every living thing on this planet has in common and no one knows for sure what it truly means. Do we have ideas, beliefs, and guesses? Of course. But at the end of the day no one knows for sure. Another aspect of death that intrigues me is the reincarnation aspect. The concept of a phoenix rising from the ashes is something that is ingrained in our DNA. Without death there could be no life. Once again there is that concept of duality. Death and life like to play together, so how can I love one and not the other?

 

If you have made it this far I tip my hat off to you. I hope this post was easier to read than it was to write. I wrote this so I can put things in perspective. We all have our demons, challenges, and we all have a dark side. The truth of the matter is that we have a choice of whether we let those things define us. But above all we have our secrets that we feel no one will accept. The only person that needs to accept these things is yourself. Facing the one in the mirror is a giant leap towards creating your own paradise. I hope my “coming out” has motivated you to address a few of your own secrets and view them in a different light. Best of luck on your journey! 

 

“We’re all guilty of wearing a mask to show we are normal. Some of us are just willing to break that mask.” – Negus Lamont

5 Things Celibacy Teaches You

Sex is a wonderful thing…but what can abstinence teach you?

Now I’m going to start this post off with a disclaimer because this topic can be triggering for some people. This post is not an outlet for me to brag about my many sexual exploits nor is it designed to denigrate the struggles of someone who isn’t sexually experienced, can’t get a date, or has low self-esteem. This post is for those who have entered the volcanic grove that is dating in 2017, and are wondering if there is a better way. In this topic we will journey into the land of dating, and will look at another option that is often left off the table. This option is known as celibacy or in clearer terms abstaining from dating and sex.

I can honestly admit that at one point in time I was a borderline sex addict. I say borderline because I could control my appetites…when I felt like it. It just so happened that I rarely felt like it. Being an above average male with mentors who were players made it fairly easy for me to learn how to attract, entertain, and bed a woman. But above all, I understood women and used that to my advantage. As a former friend of mine once said. “Once you control the mind, you control the legs.” But there are a few things that happen when you sleep with multiple partners and have multiple short-term relationships. Truth be told each time I had a meaningless encounter it was like I gave a piece of my soul to that person. One day after another meaningless encounter it hit me. That a lot of these women see me as a piece of meat, just to be used for their satisfaction and done with. It stopped being fun and I saw things for the hollow experience that it really was. They were using me the same way I was using them. This was a vicious cycle that I knew had to be broken. In any case I decided to take a vow of celibacy for a year. It was easily the greatest and most productive year of my life, because of that I have decided to extend that year to four years. Here are five things a temporary vow of celibacy can teach you.

  1. You Learn to Love – There is no easy way to say this. When you stop dating and focusing on loving someone else you learn the true definition of love. This is a concept that is difficult for most to wrap their heads around. There are two types of unconditional love. The love for a parent to a child and the love for yourself. The next type of love that most are looking for is a romantic kind of love. This love is not inherently unconditional, it is the type of love designed to fill a void. Think about it logically for a second. In order for you to get to the point of loving someone they had to be the type of person you could fall in love with. They had to share your goals, dreams, make you laugh, say the right things, or look the right way. These are just some of the conditions that had to be met before you felt that deep connection. When you choose the path of celibacy you realize that the love in its purest form comes from within. As cliché as it sounds one must love themselves unconditionally before they step back into the dating arena. That is if you want to reach your highest good.

 

  1. You Have More Time – This one is self-explanatory. When you stop dating, you have more time to spend on other more productive things. A large portion of the “dating game” is wasted time. The wasted time getting dressed for dinner, the wasted time hoping they are the one, the failed attempts at conversation. There is a lot of time wasting in between the glorious moments. Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of glorious moments when you strike is rich, but it often takes countless hours to get to that point. When you stop dating you can focus on things such as your career, learning a new language, and taking that vacation you always wanted. But above all, you get to spend time on your passion. Words cannot convey how great it feels to know what your passion is and to work on it. If you don’t know what your passion is that is fine too. Now you have the time to find out.

 

  1. It’s Not That Hard – When I first decided to become celibate I had to ask myself a very important question. How the hell am I going to pull this one off? The first few months were ridiculously challenging. But as things progress you become stronger mentally and emotionally. This leads to the revelation that anything is possible. If you can go months, even years without sex by choice then you can accomplish anything you put your mind too. This is part of the reason why so many spiritual gurus promote abstinence and celibacy. It provides you with mental strength.

 

  1. Mental Clarity – All that mental strength you gained turns into something much more profound. It becomes mental clarity. You start seeing the things that really matter in life. It is almost as if a switch flips in your brain. This is the type of mental clarity that comes with meditation and self-reflection. You start to learn more about your family and friends, while ultimately learning more about yourself. This clarity is further augmented by the connection with nature. It becomes easier for you to connect with nature once you’ve opened yourself up to that possibility. I’m not going to go into detail about the profound love nature can give you, that is something you must feel for yourself.

 

  1. Your One Will Wait – Right now your “one” is probably dating someone that is causing them inner turmoil. The time you spend developing yourself is something that your future life partner will appreciate. The amazing thing about life is that people pop into your life when you ready for them. They are either a blessing or a lesson. This means you don’t need to rush into something meaningless for the wrong reasons.

 

For some people a life of meaningless encounters can be one of the most exhilarating lifestyles imaginable. But for most it only ends up being a hollow experience that drastically shifts your mindset. To this day I still have skewed expectations from a partner. In the meantime, I’m going to continue my path of celibacy and self-love. For it is one that provides countless benefits and very few cons. A question we should all ask ourselves in this dating world is whether we are dating to fill a void or dating to augment our lives. But the big question is a very simple one. Who do you want to be a year from now?

 

“There are many types of kisses. A kiss to the lips, a kiss to the heart, and a kiss to the soul. The third brings about a love that transcends time.” – Negus Lamont

Self-Assessment: Spirituality vs Religion

Dive into an analysis of the two wildly popular belief systems!

When it comes to creating your paradise, there are a few concepts that will greatly further your endeavors. Establishing a strong belief system is important as it serves as a strong foundation. This belief system can range from atheism all the way to pantheism and everything in between. In the Self-Assessment series, we will look at these bricks that can be laid. The first one as I’m sure you guessed is the internal debate between spirituality and religion. We will analyze the terms, and take an objective look at the pros and cons of each.

Spirituality – This belief system can be defined as a state of being that focuses on the spirit/soul instead of the material/physical. When someone is spiritual their primary concern is the inner sanctity of their being in opposed to the material world. Spirituality typically emphasizes the belief in the supernatural, personal growth, the journey of inner meaning, and experiencing the hand of the gods/God. Traditionally spirituality is practiced alone or in small groups without many rules/regulations. Ultimately, spirituality is about the path to the “true self” and relies heavily on experiences.

Religion –  This belief system can be defined as a cultural system that focuses on creating an accepted set of behaviors and practices. This can be accomplished using world views, texts, sanctified places, ethics, or organizations. Religion in a broad sense will connect humanity with the supernatural. This often comes in the form of a higher power. Traditionally, religion uses faith as their foundation. The ultimate objective of most religions is to give meaning to life.

Disclaimer –

For this next section, I will take an objective view on these highly subjective topics. My goal is to provide you with the pros and cons of using these two belief systems. Thus, you will have a strong foundation for creating your paradise. I urge you to read this with an open mind as understanding these systems can be beneficial to your growth.

Pros of Spirituality – Spirituality tends to bring about a great amount of personal growth. A spiritual person is constantly adapting to their conditions and draws new conclusions based on their experiences. A spiritual person is not heavily affected by societal norms as their practice relies on their own individuality. This can be very useful when attempting to carve your own way in life. Not being hindered by the group grants one the freedom to be responsible for their own actions. Because spiritual people focus on personal growth they are typically more mature than the average person.  Because of this maturity, logic based decisions are maximized while emotionally ones are minimized.

Cons of Spirituality – With great maturity often comes great isolation. One who is spiritual tends to spend a lot of time in isolation. They spend so much time meditating and self-reflecting that the world around them can pass them by. Essentially, they enter a small bubble where they can easily neglect the world. Additionally, it is easy to succumb to selfish desires when one views the world internally on a large scale. Finally, the spiritual person will often come across as eccentric, lazy, distant or crazy. This is due to the “wild” kinds of conclusions that spirituality often leads to. One such example is the belief that nothing in the world matters because humans are energy and energy never dies. Thus, what actions we take now are meaningless in the grand scale of things. But at the same time everything matters because we are all connected in some way, no matter how distant. It is not uncommon for a spiritual person to arrive to countless paradoxical beliefs causing inner turmoil.

Pros of Religion – Practicing an organized religion grants access to a second family. This second family can often be closer than your blood ties. A rare concept such as trust suddenly becomes abundant. Additionally, there are more people that can pool together in your time of need. This is one instance where blood isn’t thicker than water. Another pro to practicing an organized religion is that it tends to boost your overall happiness. By participating in group activities, one can share in the positive vibes of the group.  These vibes are infectious and will often raise your overall mood. There is a set structure to your daily life and clear rules and guidelines to follow. This ultimately makes life a bit easier as there is less thinking involved in making decisions. An action either falls in accordance with your religious beliefs or they don’t. There is usually one leader in an organized group that one can look up to for guidance. An example of such a leader would be a priest or a rabbi. Having a clear hierarchy makes for a smooth experience when making decisions.

Cons of Religion – An organized religion can sometimes be too organized, limiting what you can and cannot do to the point of frustration. Additionally, if you fail to meet the standards of the group there tends to be several consequences. These consequences often come in the form of ridicule, disappointment, or even ostracization. This will have a drastic effect due to the close-knit culture. Being thrust into isolation can lead to severe depression. Having a leader to follow also has its drawbacks. It is possible for said priest or rabbi to exploit their followers or lead them astray. Finally, depending on where you live following a religion may make you blind to the world around you. Not associating with people who have different opinions and perspectives is the major cause.

Wrap Up – When it comes to choosing a belief system it is important to choose one that fits your desired lifestyle. Stay tuned for my next post which will be “Stoicism vs Buddhism” I have taken a very complex topic and taken it down to its very root. Whether I have done these two wonderful concepts justice is up to you. Please like, share, or comment. I would love to see feedback on this post.

“If you believe all is right with the world then it is true, likewise if you believe all is wrong.” – Negus Lamont