Self-Assessment: Spirituality vs Religion

Dive into an analysis of the two wildly popular belief systems!

When it comes to creating your paradise, there are a few concepts that will greatly further your endeavors. Establishing a strong belief system is important as it serves as a strong foundation. This belief system can range from atheism all the way to pantheism and everything in between. In the Self-Assessment series, we will look at these bricks that can be laid. The first one as I’m sure you guessed is the internal debate between spirituality and religion. We will analyze the terms, and take an objective look at the pros and cons of each.

Spirituality – This belief system can be defined as a state of being that focuses on the spirit/soul instead of the material/physical. When someone is spiritual their primary concern is the inner sanctity of their being in opposed to the material world. Spirituality typically emphasizes the belief in the supernatural, personal growth, the journey of inner meaning, and experiencing the hand of the gods/God. Traditionally spirituality is practiced alone or in small groups without many rules/regulations. Ultimately, spirituality is about the path to the “true self” and relies heavily on experiences.

Religion –  This belief system can be defined as a cultural system that focuses on creating an accepted set of behaviors and practices. This can be accomplished using world views, texts, sanctified places, ethics, or organizations. Religion in a broad sense will connect humanity with the supernatural. This often comes in the form of a higher power. Traditionally, religion uses faith as their foundation. The ultimate objective of most religions is to give meaning to life.

Disclaimer –

For this next section, I will take an objective view on these highly subjective topics. My goal is to provide you with the pros and cons of using these two belief systems. Thus, you will have a strong foundation for creating your paradise. I urge you to read this with an open mind as understanding these systems can be beneficial to your growth.

Pros of Spirituality – Spirituality tends to bring about a great amount of personal growth. A spiritual person is constantly adapting to their conditions and draws new conclusions based on their experiences. A spiritual person is not heavily affected by societal norms as their practice relies on their own individuality. This can be very useful when attempting to carve your own way in life. Not being hindered by the group grants one the freedom to be responsible for their own actions. Because spiritual people focus on personal growth they are typically more mature than the average person.  Because of this maturity, logic based decisions are maximized while emotionally ones are minimized.

Cons of Spirituality – With great maturity often comes great isolation. One who is spiritual tends to spend a lot of time in isolation. They spend so much time meditating and self-reflecting that the world around them can pass them by. Essentially, they enter a small bubble where they can easily neglect the world. Additionally, it is easy to succumb to selfish desires when one views the world internally on a large scale. Finally, the spiritual person will often come across as eccentric, lazy, distant or crazy. This is due to the “wild” kinds of conclusions that spirituality often leads to. One such example is the belief that nothing in the world matters because humans are energy and energy never dies. Thus, what actions we take now are meaningless in the grand scale of things. But at the same time everything matters because we are all connected in some way, no matter how distant. It is not uncommon for a spiritual person to arrive to countless paradoxical beliefs causing inner turmoil.

Pros of Religion – Practicing an organized religion grants access to a second family. This second family can often be closer than your blood ties. A rare concept such as trust suddenly becomes abundant. Additionally, there are more people that can pool together in your time of need. This is one instance where blood isn’t thicker than water. Another pro to practicing an organized religion is that it tends to boost your overall happiness. By participating in group activities, one can share in the positive vibes of the group.  These vibes are infectious and will often raise your overall mood. There is a set structure to your daily life and clear rules and guidelines to follow. This ultimately makes life a bit easier as there is less thinking involved in making decisions. An action either falls in accordance with your religious beliefs or they don’t. There is usually one leader in an organized group that one can look up to for guidance. An example of such a leader would be a priest or a rabbi. Having a clear hierarchy makes for a smooth experience when making decisions.

Cons of Religion – An organized religion can sometimes be too organized, limiting what you can and cannot do to the point of frustration. Additionally, if you fail to meet the standards of the group there tends to be several consequences. These consequences often come in the form of ridicule, disappointment, or even ostracization. This will have a drastic effect due to the close-knit culture. Being thrust into isolation can lead to severe depression. Having a leader to follow also has its drawbacks. It is possible for said priest or rabbi to exploit their followers or lead them astray. Finally, depending on where you live following a religion may make you blind to the world around you. Not associating with people who have different opinions and perspectives is the major cause.

Wrap Up – When it comes to choosing a belief system it is important to choose one that fits your desired lifestyle. Stay tuned for my next post which will be “Stoicism vs Buddhism” I have taken a very complex topic and taken it down to its very root. Whether I have done these two wonderful concepts justice is up to you. Please like, share, or comment. I would love to see feedback on this post.

“If you believe all is right with the world then it is true, likewise if you believe all is wrong.” – Negus Lamont

The Cardinal Dating Rules

Dating in 2017 can be a real headache! Allow these five rules to be your Advil.

Dating today is like pulling teeth. With the emergence of Tinder, POF, and other online dating sites/apps you have been reduced to a disposable commodity. But you are more than that. You are a human being who has hopes and dreams. One of them is to find a partner that stimulates you mentally and physically. To find the right person, it is crucial that you hold yourself accountable. This way you won’t fall to the many pitfalls that is the minefield of 2017 dating. These rules are called the Cardinal Dating Rules which apply to both men and women seeking dating success in 2017.

  1. Love yourself.

This rule is by far the most important one. Dating isn’t supposed to be about filling a void in your heart. It is supposed to be about finding someone that makes your stomach tingle. Whether that is romantically, sexually, or mentally. When you date to fill a void, you end up short changing yourself because you are relying on someone else to do what you can do for yourself. Additionally, you will come across as needy and potentially push that special person away.

  1. You are NOT disposable.

Please repeat after me, you are not disposable! With how easy it is to swipe right it feels as if we are living in a world of abundance when it comes to suitors. Although the clear majority of men are sending the exact same message to a dozen other women that doesn’t mean that you aren’t special. Entertain men who point out specific details of your profile and ask thought provoking questions. Just because the guy wants to sleep with you doesn’t mean that is all he wants. If you are male then the reality is that the woman you have matched with probably isn’t going to respond. Chances are your message got lost in the sea of messages or she doesn’t even check her dating app anymore due to being overwhelmed. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t a suitable mate it just means you must cast your line out more often. Hence the vicious cycle. Ultimately, one must be patient in this dating game and weed through the muck to find their personal gemstone.

  1. Have Standards

This goes hand in hand with number one. One must have standards for a partner. At the same time, one needs to be realistic in their expectations. When looking for a significant other you need to assess your own dating value. For example, if you live in a shack have no job and have no prospects whatsoever then you probably shouldn’t expect your partner to have these things and more. At the same time don’t limit yourself by setting your standards too low. If you have a good head on your shoulders, are career driven, and well educated then don’t accept a partner who can’t step in your arena.

  1. Multi-Dating

With the convenience gained from dating apps comes a major repercussion. Chances are the person you are dating is dating other people. Because of this it is more difficult than ever to hold someone’s attention. At the same time, this can work in your favor. Dating multiple people allows you to experience different personalities and choose someone that best meets your standards. Every great hunter has several arrows for their bow.

  1. Social media is NOT your best friend

Just because you can post anything you want on social media doesn’t mean you should. Especially when it comes to the dating game. The whole world doesn’t need to know when you and the person your dating enter an argument. Additionally, this childish tactic serves the purpose of embarrassing both you and your partner. It is a clear cry for attention. Be direct and address any issues you have with your partner.

Conclusion

Dating doesn’t have to be difficult but it is challenging when done right. That is the beauty of it. It takes time and energy to find someone that sparks that special spot in your heart. But it is worth it in the end. Be sure to mind these five rules and feel free to create some of your own. It is important that you know your worth and trust your gut instinct. Life is a journey that is meant to be lived with both eyes open, enjoy the twists and turns.

“One step in the right direction is worth a thousand in the wrong.” – Negus Lamont

 

 

Jarvan’s Will ( Short Story)

Would you give up your left hand to gain the world in your right? Jarvan finds out! In this epic short tale.

The Oakwood door creaked as he pushed it open. Jarvan Hartengale V walked into the room where his brother sat. “So…he’s dead.” Said Jarvan V. Jarvan Hartengale VI stood up before kicking the chair across the room. “Ya…he’s dead!” Jarvan V inched closer to his brother with his palms out. “Did you read his will already?”.

Jarvan VI picked up a piece of parchment and threw it in his brother’s direction. “Read it for yourself. Father was such a vagabond, I’m surprised he even bothered to write one.” The older Jarvan glanced over the parchment with pursed lips. “Well? What do you think? That old fool finally showed us his hand in death!” Jarvan VI began pacing back and forth. “Well it says here that he believes neither of us deserve to be king. He says that I am too cold, calculating, and stubborn. But he also says that you are too rash, immature, and likely to die a swift death on the battlefield. I mean…he wasn’t wrong in his assessment…as usual.” Jarvan VI slammed his foot on the ground causing sparks of light to emit.

“Me? Likely to die a swift death on the battlefield? I am the guild’s pride and joy. He is the one that up and let himself die a miserable death, worthy of the cunt that he is! Enough about father, this talk is beginning to upset my soul. What do you suggest we do next?” Jarvan V grimaced but remained silent. “What? You’re upset that I called him a cunt? He disliked both of us equally yet you were ever the doting son. What thanks did you get for your dedication and commitment?” Silence swept the room as Jarvan V continued to glare at his younger brother. While his eyes burned yellow the temperature in the room began to rise.

“Fine…fine…I take it back. He wasn’t a cunt. Happy now?” Jarvan V softened his posture. “I will be happy when this ordeal is over and done with. I suggest we let the people decide.” Jarvan VI began to laugh uncontrollably. “You will let the people decide? You do realize they love me more than words can convey. While you…brother… you are about as loveable as a pet rock. About as malleable as one at that!” The older Jarvan raised an eyebrow. “You mistake love for your antics and generosity with love for you as a leader. I believe the people will see that I am the one most suitable to lead them to greater prosperity and glory.” The younger Jarvan smirked, his eyes gleaming. “Very well! It shall be something the common folk call an e-l-e-c-t-i-o-n.”

 

Struggling to breathe Jarvan V began to loosen the knot around his neck. The bag that covered his face tightened with each attempt. High pitched laughter began to fill the room. A squeaky voice murmured. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you…” Jarvan raised his hand displaying an obscene gesture. “Shut your mouth and unleash me at once!” The voice began to chuckle to himself. “I suppose even the cool, calm, and collected Jarvan Hartengale V has his limits. We will unleash you soon enough. We just have a few questions for you.” Jarvan stood up pulling on the chains that bound him. “I will not answer any of your questions while this bag covers my face. Nor will you get any answers of me while these chains restrain my hands. Above all I will not answer questions to a peon such as yourself. I wish to speak to your leader.” Whispering could be heard throughout the room.

A deep booming voice could be heard amongst them. “You are as clever as the people make you out to be!” The shackles dissolved in a flash of purple sand while the bag shriveled into a tiny speck. Jarvan surveyed his surroundings. He was trapped in a cursed circle which formed a barrier around him. Outside the circle he could see thirteen robed figures all dawning blue cloaks with a swan insignia on their chest. “Who are you people and what do you want from me?” One of the figures stepped forward. “We are the Swan Guild and it is not what we want from you…but what we can do for you!” Jarvan’s face manifested into a grotesque scowl. “I am in no mood for riddles, speak with purpose or hold your tongue.” The robed figures began flapping their arms about akin to a bird. “Spoken like a true Lion. We believe your guild has the potential to rule this world…with the right assistance of course. I mean first we would have to make you emperor.”

Jarvan stepped forward pointing at the robed figure. “You have not answered my question sufficiently.” The figure inched closer. “The Swan Guild is a guild unlike any other. We perform a special kind of magic.” The figure threw a gold coin inside the circle. “Bask in the glory that is the Lion Dollar. Our prized possession. A gold coin which will signify the reign of the mighty Lion Guild. Whether you will be at the helm of this guild during its prosperity is up to you.” Jarvan bit into the coin. “You mean to use this small piece of gold as a medium of exchange for goods and services?” The robed figures began flapping their arms once again. “Yes! Yes! You understand…for swan’s sake you understand. We have heard about those Lion eyes of yours and how they let you see things that others cannot, but we weren’t sure if the rumors were true!” Jarvan remained silent. “Ahh, yes. I suppose you want to know what the cost for our allegiance is. A better question is, what are you willing to part with to gain the world?”

Jarvan V stroked his beard for a moment. He began to pace back and forth. His eyes burned bright yellow as they threatened to engulf the room. “I am willing to do what is necessary for the good of my people. With me as their emperor I can lead them to greater prosperity, security, and joy. I am willing to give what you wish to take.” The robed figures began to clap their hands together. “Very well said. Is that your final response?” This question was met with silence.

Jarvan V awoke in his bed chambers to an unusual amount of silence. He turned to his side as he grasped the empty bed space beside him. “No…not her!” He rushed to the bathroom where he was met with emptiness. Getting dressed in haste he placed his gown on his person. As he ran down the stairs beads of swear began to pour down his brow. Jarvan Hartengale VI blocked his way with his spear. “Brother, I do not know how you managed it…but the people have chosen.” He lowered to his knees. “I pledge my spear to you for as long as I breath air on this earth. I pledge the spear of my children and my children’s children, for we will forever be under your command.” Sweat still pouring across the emperors face he dropped to his knees. “What the gods give with their right hand they take with their left.”

The End

 

“What the gods give with their right hand they take with their left.”

Jarvan Hartengale V

My Journey Into The Abyss (Part 2)

If you’re still holding my hand at this point blessings to you. Here is part 2!

Mr. Perfect

Unfortunately for me my room didn’t offer me the salvation that I was seeking, at least not at first. I sat there and pondered for a moment but came up with nothing but the status quo. So, like a good young man I went to school and did my school work, I went to work and worked hard. I decided I’ll be as perfect as possible. So that’s what I did for the next several years. I would consciously be as prim and proper as possible in every avenue of my life. I had to be the smartest, the funniest, the kindest and above all I had to be the best.

The Abyss

One day I had a rendezvous with a random woman of which I didn’t even know her name. But she wanted to smoke some green. At this point in my life green was only a means to an end, I never smoked alone and I never smoked with my “friends”. If I wasn’t getting any action from it then I wasn’t doing it. So, I did what I normally would do. I obliged her request knowing that it would be worth my while and got the green. On the fateful night, she flopped. Leaving me home alone with green that I don’t want, and above all extremely horny. It was not a pleasant moment for me. But such things happen where every man must take a loss once and a while. I deleted her number and stared at the bag that I had laid in front of me. What the heck? Why not? I mean what’s the worst that can happen? I rolled one up, sparked it, and inhaled. I sat there and began to ponder my life. I looked around at what I had and I thought about the people in my life. One word popped into my head, the word “use”.

Now the revelation that comes next may be obvious to you as the reader but to me it was absolutely the most mind-blowing thought I have ever had. “use?” I said to myself. Me being the nerd that I am I had to find the pure definition of use. I started to read. Now the first definition speaks in regards of using something to accomplish a purpose or achieve a result. That was fine for me. I mean nothing interesting there. The second definition speaks in regards of a state of affairs that existed for a period in the past. That was simple enough. But the third was what hit me in the gonads. It was a low blow to the essence that was my soul. “The action of using something or the state of being used for some purpose.” I thought to myself, what an interesting definition.

My mind then began to apply it to my life. I looked at my recent failed relationship. The one that had lasted three years on and off due to infidelity. She would always call me her rock and would lean on me in her hard times but when things were good she would disappear. Yes, seems to apply there. I was being used for that one purpose. My feet started to tingle as they became warm. I then applied it to my friendship with my “mentor” who constantly asks me for favors of which I always say yes. Because that’s what a perfect friend does. Yes, seems to apply there as well. I was being used for that purpose. The warmth started to flow upwards towards my stomach.

I started to apply it to work where I would manage two areas at the same time which was twice my paid workload. The warmth came up to my neck. Then I had one final realization. I looked in the mirror and I said to myself  “But wait…I’m everybody’s bitch.” This final realization sent my mind into a deep spiral where in an instant I went over every single time I’ve ever been used in my life. It got to the point where I became so enraged that I blacked out.

 

The Hospital

I woke up in the hospital restrained to a gurney. The first thing that came to my mind was that “I’m hungry”. As I was being pushed along the hallway I saw another patient standing there eating crackers. She looked at me and smiled, then offered me some crackers. I couldn’t speak because my mouth was too dry but I nodded. She laughed and said, “Crackers aren’t for you!” then walked away. When they finally took off the restraints I noticed my wrists were chaffed from all the struggling I must have been doing. Instantly I could assess the situation. I was in the mental ward with all the crazies and I had a mental break. But for some reason I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t angry anymore. In fact, there was a deep sense of knowing. Knowing that everything would be alright.

The doctor diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder.  Which to me was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. “I’m not crazy. I’m a man of above average intelligence who is successful in both his work life and personal life. How can I be crazy?” Was all that came to my mind. I tried to explain away the situation with different logic and convince the doctor that I wasn’t bipolar. In any case he said I’d have to stay for a couple days for evaluation.

The interesting thing about being in the psych ward is that it’s filled with a melting pot of people. People from all avenues of life. I met a Triad member, a banker, and a musician to name a few. These people all had relatively normal lives until they were hit with this illness. But I wasn’t like them I told myself. In my mind, I knew there had to be a reason for all of this. There is no way that my story could end with me withering away into nothingness. That’s when “the universe” started to happen.

The Universe

Now this part is where I know I will lose the attention of some people. Some will say ok this guy is crazy I’m out and that is fine. Even though I was on medication I was still being flooded with racing thoughts. But these thoughts were not the everyday run of the mill work, school, and relationship. I started to think about the great questions of the universe. I started to ponder how energy and consciousness are linked, how the brain is more than just a computer but it also acts as a transmitter receiving frequency and vibration in the form of thought, etc. Now this is where you’re probably saying ok, this guy is one of those new age guys. I’m out. If that’s how you feel that is fine too.

I continued to get numerous thoughts and revelations. It was as if a deep inner knowing had been gifted to me and my brain had to reboot to handle it. I was being flooded with information and it felt amazing. To this day it was the most exhilarating feeling I have ever felt. There is numerous documentation on a manic episode but very little on what goes on in the mind of someone during a manic episode. It was as if my body would move on its own while my mind received the information. I was simply a witness to it all. But above all it felt as if I was connected to something greater than myself. Keep in mind I was under medication at the time.

Spirituality

I don’t remember when the information started to slow down but it did. For a period, I was sad about it. Once again there is numerous amount of information on the depression associated with bipolar mania but not what actually goes on in the mind of the patient. I mean having felt connected to something greater than yourself. Something greater than man is quite a big shoe to fill. But by the grace of the gods it happened. Throughout my journey I have experienced and witnessed things that have made me believe in a higher power unequivocally.

It started with something as simple as receiving information about something then looking it up online to find out that it is a well-known fact. This would happen for months at a time. One night I was in the bathroom stall at a banquet when the person in the stall next to mine started to make strange sounds as if he was beat boxing. I promptly finished my business and went to wash my hands. He started to bang on the walls of the stall and began screeching in a high pitch tone. Now I wasn’t going to be a pussy and rush out of the bathroom without washing my hands. But I knew I didn’t want to be alone. For the first time in my life I prayed.

As I looked in the mirror. I said “Lord…please don’t leave me alone with this…” and I kid you not that bathroom door opened and five people came in. It looked fake, as if it was a scene out of a badly shot movie. I was in awe that my prayer had been answered. Every ounce of doubt that I had washed away.

What Changed

My entire outlook on life changed. I realized that life is all about perspective and slowly my perspective changed to a more positive one. I had to relearn how to feel genuine emotions. I had to learn how to deal with my issues, not cast them aside and ignore them. I learned to set boundaries for myself and those that I let in my circle. I realized that I had been using women as an outlet for my inner demons and that had to stop. But above all I learned to believe in something greater than myself. I understood how someone could have faith in something that they “can’t see”.

What’s my life purpose you ask?  I believe I know what it is but I won’t know for sure until the time comes. If you want to find out subscribe and join me on this journey of mine. I hope you enjoyed reading. If you made it this far I’d like to leave you with a quote from one of the characters from my novel.

“Those who bathe in shadows are destined to drown in them”

–          Din Tei Bourbon

My Journey Into the Abyss (Part 1)

Take my hand as we journey into the depths of my soul.

How it Started

What is my life’s purpose? It’s a question that we have all asked ourselves at some point or another. I asked myself this question at the age of eleven. I sat in my room playing with my bucket of clay and would ponder this great question. I concluded that I didn’t want to continue to be poor. I wanted two things from my life’s purpose. I wanted it to pay me a shitload of money and I wanted it to come with status. I narrowed it down to a veterinarian because I loved animals and an actor because I loved to act and had minor roles in my mother’s plays. You can probably guess which one I chose. I abandoned thoughts of caring for poor sickly animals and decided that I would be the greatest actor to ever live. I started to practice. I would conduct monologues, write plays, and even act them out with my clay characters. My room was my theatre and I was the great Negus Lamont.

 

The Tribal System

Now I would love to tell you that everything was lilies and cherry blossoms for me when I hit high school. But that was when I got a serious reality check to the gut. I was the biggest nerd. I had been teased heavily in middle school, for having dreadlocks, being chunky, and wearing samurai shirts. But none of that compared to what I was to face in high-school. My first reality check came when I realized that literally all my close friends were the cool kids of my grade and they only kept me around because I would help them with their homework. But none of that mattered, they didn’t matter. I was going to be the greatest actor to ever live.

At home, I continued to practice my craft. One day after a rigorous amount of teasing by my “friends” I came home to read an article that discussed how the brain is a computer. I imagined how amazing that would be. That it would be better if I had no emotions and everything was simply a logical-mathematical calculation. I told myself that if I just pretended my entire life was a play and acted out every emotion my life would work out beautifully. So that’s what I did. It was challenging at first but eventually I had it down pact. I became numb to anything negative or positive. I became numb to the whole world. I was essentially a robot, except for when I was on stage.

Throughout high school I would act in the school plays but there is one production that jumps at me. I placed countless hours in practicing my lines and working on my delivery. I watched movies at a rapid pace in preparation for my big audition. I was ready. The play was A Midsummer Night’s Dream and I wanted the role of Oberon. Naturally I wanted to be king!  But it was not fated to be as was always the case. I was relegated to the role of the comic relief character Nick Bottom. There was a common pattern. That’s when it dawned on me that no matter how hard I tried or how many times I auditioned I could never get the role I wanted. My entire world revolved around me becoming the greatest actor and I couldn’t even land the part that I auditioned for. I was as big a joke as everyone made me out to be.

A Brush with Death

My world came crumbling down to the point where everything that I was became the nothingness which was the void in my heart. I did what to me was the most logical solution. I considered suicide. I sat down and thought about the pros and cons of committing suicide. At the time, I was an atheist so I laid it all out on the table logically as any good atheist ought to do. What I came up with was simple. If I kill myself at this juncture I will end up in a ditch and be rid of all my problems. But if I were to do such a thing my mother and sister would miss me. But there was one point that made it clear that I must carry on. I realized that if I were to kill myself there was no possibility of things getting better. As a young curious teen, I wanted to know if things would get better, and above all if they could get better.

Saving Grace

Being the smart guy in class had its benefits. Most of my teachers absolutely adored me. Especially my English teachers. Because of this I tried something new. I decided to use my theatre skills in different ways. One day my English teacher gave me an opportunity, I seized the moment and interrupted the lesson with a well-timed joke. To my amazement the entire class erupted into a fit of laughter including the teacher. It was one of the most memorable moments of my life to date. I became the smart funny guy and that was enough for me throughout the rest of high school. But in the back of my mind there was something missing.

 

Robot Negus

When I graduated high school with a scholarship to York University I told myself that I was going to be an entirely new character. I wanted more. I wanted something that had eluded me up to that point. I wanted self-confidence. I didn’t want to be fat anymore and above all I wanted to be loved by someone other than my family. Yes, I was a virgin even at the age of seventeen.  I told my “friends” that at the end of summer I’d have abs and they all laughed at me. That made me even more determined. Those two months of summer were crunch time for me. At the end of summer, I had lost forty pounds. I walked into University ripped, barely a pound of fat on me. With that new-found body, I gained a new-found personality. I became cocky, arrogant, and rude. And I loved every moment of it. But I had much to desire in the art of seduction. I needed a mentor. Magically I ended up hanging out with the older cool kids of University. It got to the point where beautiful women would gawk at me and before anyone could notice I had already gone over to approach them. I became a dangerous man. I became a robotic man. I became a man who knew exactly what to say to a woman to get what he wants. But once again, there was something missing.

Party Negus  

My mentor at the time was a promotor in downtown Toronto. He was known for having many beautiful women travel from all over the Greater Toronto Area to come to his parties. But above all he was popular. Something that I didn’t believe existed outside of school. I had to see it with my own eyes. I will never forget the day when the two of us sat at an afterhours restaurant at the biggest table they had surrounded by twelve beautiful women. I was enamored with the lifestyle. The partying, the drinking, the women. For the next couple of years, I lived the promoter life while balancing school and work. It wasn’t until year three that a few things started to click for me. Why am I spending money on these broke women? Why am I spending money on these clothes that I don’t need? Why am I spending money on these bottles I don’t want? The moment I started to question these things was the moment everything unraveled. I started to see things for what they really were. The party life became an escape from reality for these people. It became a way to live the celebrity lifestyle on a budget. My “mentor” called it. “ballin on a budget”, which at the time seemed like the coolest thing in the world to me. I started to analyze these other “promoters” who were also “ballin on a budget” and couldn’t afford gas money to get home some nights. I started to look at the women who would only flock around me because I had a bottle in my hand. The one time I decided to save my money was the one time I sat alone. Another punch to the gut for me. This time when my world came crumbling down and my character was about to vanish. I knew what to do. I ran back to the sanctuary that was my room.

The Gentleman’s Dilemma

When it comes to dating a man only has two options…or does he?

Nice Guy: Everyone is familiar with the term “nice guy”. It is a concept that is fed to us in a myriad of ways, from countless T.V shows to men complaining that they can’t attract the type of women they want. A “nice guy” will be defined as a man who likes to portray himself as being gentle, sensitive, compassionate, humble, and romantic. This man typically has one goal in mind which is to sleep with an attractive woman the only way he knows how. This process is often a long and grueling one which consists of him being her sounding board in hopes that she will one day see him as more than just a friend.

The problem with the “nice guy” is that he is rarely any of the things that he portrays, at least not subconsciously. When someone only acts sensitive because they want to get in into a woman’s pants they are no longer considered sensitive. They lose the right to claim this important virtue. Ultimately, this type of man confuses the concept of being “nice” with being “good”. Being a good man is a about doing good for the sake of itself. Not with the expectation of a reward at the end of said good deed. That is the difference between a good man and a “nice guy”.

There are certain pitfalls most men of this caliber fall into. They are prone to a large amount of unresolved anger and insecurity issues. This stems from the constant rejection and burden that is often placed on their shoulders. Another pitfall this type of man faces is one that may at first seem like a blessing. When the “nice guy” final gets the girl of his dreams he waits on her hand and foot. By becoming the doormat, they lose their identity in the process which results in a large amount of unresolved resentment. The root cause of these issues is the fact that “nice guys” often fail to take responsibility for their actions.

The Jerk: At the other end of the spectrum lays the “jerk” or “asshole”. This is the typical bad boy in movies that make the women swoon at his every word. The jerk can be defined as a man who manipulates women by appearing as the perfect guy at the beginning until he gets the cookie. Traditionally he goes in with several key check points that he knows he needs to bypass. This goes from the initial preliminary stage where the woman is on her highest guard all the way down to the first time the two intertwine. He is charming, smart, kind, funny, and above all attentive in the beginning. At the same time, he is typically a man that does not conform to the norm. Additionally, the “jerk” may use pick up artists techniques one of which being the “neg” which is a light insult used to demonstrate superiority or disapproval.

The problem with the “jerk” is that he knows on a fundamental level that what he is doing is wrong. But he continues to do it because it works. Traditionally the “jerk” is a man who has tried the nice guy route for several years and realizes that constantly being pushed into the dreaded “friend zone” is not for him. He then goes on a destructive path where he lies, cheats, and steals his way to a woman’s undergarments. Like the “nice guy” there are several pitfalls that the “jerk” often falls prey to. When a man chooses the path of the “jerk” he is making the conscious decision to chip away at his soul. This often leads to feelings of melancholy due to a lack of meaningful relationships.

By choosing this methodology a man is essentially deciding to not give a fuck about how he treats people. This transcends women and floods into the workforce as well, which only acts to further alienate him. The second pitfall that one encounters is hubris. Typically, a man who finds financial success or romantic success by leaving a trail of bodies behind them gains an enormous ego. This ego serves to protect them on their self-destructive path by allowing them to identify their entire self-worth with the notches on their belt. This becomes a problem because of how shaky this foundation is. The tiniest pin could poke a hole into this inflated ego causing the person to spiral downwards into a truly catatonic state.

Same Coin: The clear majority of men in today’s society fall within one of these categories. Notice how both have the exact same goal, which is to bed the woman of their current affection. The only differences are the way they go about achieving this goal and the challenges they must overcome to do so. After reading the above it becomes clear that both sound taxing mentally and is why many men have turned to MGTOW. But I offer absolution from this circle of death that is the current dating climate. I would now like to turn your attention to the medium which is often overlooked by both men and women because it is on the same level as a “unicorn” woman.

The Gentleman: This medium is commonly known as the Gentleman. This is a man who is of a calm demeanor, stoic, yet confident and humble at the same time. He is a man that takes control of his life and accepts people for who they are. He is successful with women, the workforce, and is happy to be alive. Now I’m sure at this point you are either calling bullshit or wondering where do you find such a man if not how do you become one.

The truth of the matter is that if you are a woman and want to find this type of man you won’t be able to find him. You must be the type of woman that he seeks out. However, it is possible to identify the gentleman if you keep an eye out for him. The gentleman doesn’t feel the need to brag about his accomplishments unlike the “jerk” while at the same time he will make his expectations known very early unlike the “nice guy”. If you are a man and want to become this type of man you are in luck, but there is a catch. (Of course) The catch is that you can’t become a true “gentleman” overnight. It takes conscious effort and perseverance to become a man that is truly a man and not a little boy. Because that is what the “nice guy” and the “jerk” are. They are simply boys wandering around in the kiddie pool.

To become a gentleman a man must first experience what life is like as the “nice guy”. He needs to be that sympathetic ear to friends, family, and women. To become a gentleman a man must second experience the life of a “jerk”. He needs to feel the thrill of having things go his way on a consistent basis. Then he must take the best traits of both those type of men and become something much more. The number one goal that a real man must have is the desire to achieve a “better state of living”. That means he wants better for himself, family, friends, co-workers, and above all the woman he wants to be intimate with. It isn’t just about sex, it is about positive expectations for anyone that you surround yourself with. Once a man transcends the childish goal of purely physical stimulation he enters a whole new realm of the mental.

“ A man cannot find inner meaning in the outside world”
– Negus Lamont